Tuesday, September 19, 2006

I shattered my Own Heart

liking him was not wrong... falling in love with him was.. i've made the ultimate choice.. to give up the person i like.. i hurt myself again n again.. i dun wan him to choose... it's a selfish decision.. i made his mind up for him.. i rather the person to be hurt is me den the other party who was with him for the past 6 years.. Who can understand him... know what he wants... know what he's thinking.. wat he deserves... can i? i dun think i can.. i can never be a person like that..

i wished i was a stronger person... someone whose emotions will not show.. but i can't.. i know ppl around me can feel what i'm feeling.. i wish i can luff happily when i'm down... but i can't... it's not me.. i can smile.. but i can't luff... not just yet.. i'm very true to my stars... hard on the outside... soft on the inside.. once my heart breaks.. i dunno how long will it take to heal...

i wanna thank him for bringing the attention of my rosary which was hanging on my cupboard... i held on to it last night.. when i tried to sleep.. gasp it tightly in my hand.. it gave me a sense of calm.. no bad dreams..

i wished i could be more like him.. show no emotions.. no pain... put on a brave front... but i'll be lying to myself... it's not me...

i want to thank you for all the little things you did for me.. it means a lot.. no matter how small the gesture was... i'm sorry for all the things i did which upsets you.. i'm sorry for crying when you told me to stop.. i'm sorry fot not having the courage to continue loving you..

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