outlook on life...

I'm tired.. really tired... i want to go on a LONG LONG LONG break... i dun feel like waking up anymore.. my outlook on life is... not as good as before...

i'm not 100% me yet... maybe abt 65%... i might be kidding my own self.. it's unbelievable that i've recovered more den 50%... my heart's been shattered and slowly glued back with the love of my friends.. the encouragement they gave... the naggings... the brain washing... lol.. i really appreciate all of it.. i know sometimes i cannot express how i feel.. especially when face to face... i can't say the words which i want to say out.. i dun know why it's so hard... maybe it's because.. once you've said something you can't take it back..

i might be in denial... i'm trying hard to distance myself from him... i know it's over.. over between us... i can see the pain in his eyes on fri when he send me back.. It's time to stop any more feelings...

I know you have been reading my blog.. i juz want to tell you to go back to her.. treat her well.. pamper her.. love her... and forget about me.. it's impossible between us..

i've been showing alot of attitude recently.. might be because i hate it when u compare me and her.. like can i cook wat she can cook.. or can i tolerate you as well as she can? I can tell you... I can do all that... maybe not as good as she can.. why should i prove myself to you? it's not necessary for me to show you.. why should I? I'm not your GF.. you're not my BF... i'm not yours anymore.. it's harsh to say this.. but it's the fact.. you taught me alot of things.. and i'll treasure all of the memories that you've given me... but i have to wake up and face the reality..

treat me as a fren... not as a lover..

I shattered my Own Heart

liking him was not wrong... falling in love with him was.. i've made the ultimate choice.. to give up the person i like.. i hurt myself again n again.. i dun wan him to choose... it's a selfish decision.. i made his mind up for him.. i rather the person to be hurt is me den the other party who was with him for the past 6 years.. Who can understand him... know what he wants... know what he's thinking.. wat he deserves... can i? i dun think i can.. i can never be a person like that..

i wished i was a stronger person... someone whose emotions will not show.. but i can't.. i know ppl around me can feel what i'm feeling.. i wish i can luff happily when i'm down... but i can't... it's not me.. i can smile.. but i can't luff... not just yet.. i'm very true to my stars... hard on the outside... soft on the inside.. once my heart breaks.. i dunno how long will it take to heal...

i wanna thank him for bringing the attention of my rosary which was hanging on my cupboard... i held on to it last night.. when i tried to sleep.. gasp it tightly in my hand.. it gave me a sense of calm.. no bad dreams..

i wished i could be more like him.. show no emotions.. no pain... put on a brave front... but i'll be lying to myself... it's not me...

i want to thank you for all the little things you did for me.. it means a lot.. no matter how small the gesture was... i'm sorry for all the things i did which upsets you.. i'm sorry for crying when you told me to stop.. i'm sorry fot not having the courage to continue loving you..

Sch... work... play... = Life

okie.. i think the last time i updated my blog was like a week ago... i've been very bz... due to the fact that my Company's AGM was on Sat.. and getting ready for the event... + my sch has finally started...

All i can say is.. i'm HAPPY... Happy studying... Happier den when i was at ACPE.. even though my classes is like almost every day of the week... i'm still happy... i'm happy at this pace of learning.. i'm still adepting to all my class and working at the same time..

so far.. i've no complains about the lecturers... My Consumer Behaviour (CB) & Organisation Management & Development (OMD) classes are interesting... OMD classes is like doing activities.. and the Lecturer is kinda suaning but also kinda funnie la.. he cannot stand Kit.. haha.. whom the lecturer calls BS king.. muhaha... CB classes is fun.. cos the lecturer knows how to grab the attention of our tired minds.. and even if u feel like peeing.. u won't wanna go n pee.. cos it's juz that interesting~!!!!

I'm taking accounting.. cos it's one of the core modules which i have to pass in this course.. i can understand better now den it Shatec.. at least i can now balance the balance sheet.. heehee... even if the final figure is wrong.. heehee.. but sometimes damn confusing on where u wanna put the figures and if u should - or +... Accounts class is big.... 60 pax in 1 room... omg.. terrible.. Kel has complained to Adeline Bong abt it.. DTM bad habits.. muhahaha.. complaining... heehee..

my life is now filled up with sch... work... not much time for playing anymore as well as blogging.. unless blog at work.. which is like very seldom lah.. i'm surprised at myself though.. cos this whole weekend.. fri to sun (evening) i didn't log on to MSN at all.. i'm juz too tired.. wanted to log on juz now after i got home after class... but the calling of my bed was stronger... heehee... took a cab home today... i wanted to be a good girl but den the rain got heavier while i was at the bus stop waiting for my bus... so i called for a cab... my excuse was i never bring any umbrella... but also i was tired... didn't expect it to POUR like that~!!! terrible...

okie.. enough of my excuses... it's time to hit my bed.. and SLEEP... 2molo or rather today.. need to work again... i've got no weekend.... *sobZ* but i enjoyed my short short weekend... it's been rather sweet and enjoyable... =)

02/09/06 Pics

Some pics taken by my hp... cos i dun have my digi cam... didn't know it looks so clear.. muhahaha..

Found this on my desk when i got back to work on sat.. =)

@ DHL Balloon b4 flying up

Up up and Away~!!!

Stunning view..

fabulous Weekend

it's been a mighty interesting weekend.. haha... i went to stay in Marina Mandarin.. 14 floor... no sea view though... *sobZ* so sad.. but it was nice.. can see Shenton way in the nite... the city view is nice... the moon was nice too.. it was half moon.. orange... and clouds was covering it.. too bad.. my cAm is with Daisy mama in China.. so no pics... my hp cam not so powerful to take the view.. i tried too u know.. =)

checked in after work at about 3pm.. was waiting for Cherie to wake up and get ready.. once we checked in.. we dumped our bags.. boiled water in the flask.. den it was time for lunch n some window shopping..

we had lunch at KFC at Marina Square... den we walked to suntec... den we stopped over at the DHL balloon to see Mel as well as to ride the balloon... so nice... it's very windy and the view is nice.. think it's nicer at night.. heehee..

after the ride.. we went to Bugis to walk somemore.. took 3 sets of Neo prints.. muhaha.. tat's like $30+... they really know how to make money leh... hahaha.. after taking the prints.. me n Cherie went to buy some food back to the hotel to eat.. once buying our food.. we walked back and i told her.. it's been a long time since juz the 2 of us went out together... and Cherie also agreed... she said that every time we go out.. there will be someone else... example: Aaron, Raymond...

we had our food in the room... and after that i went home to do some things and as well as to bring my hp charger... if not sure confirm low batt... went to disturb moi bitch Jacqueline at the reception.. talked to her for a while... den went up to the room.. Serena and Collin was in the room when i reach back.. after a while Cherie left with them to go clubbing..

went to take my bath after they left.. and managed to soak in the tub for a while b4 Koh called to say that they (Him, Dal, Serene n Weiwen) was on the way... went down to pick them up and lead them to the room... all of them did not have their bathe yet.. so they 1 by 1 went to bathe.. haha.. Weiwen went down to find his fren.. did not come back up after a very long while..

once everyone had their bathe.. we played some dai ti b4 Dal and Serene started to feel drowsy... did not feel sleepy.. so me n koh went to the balcony to talk so that we do not disturb the sleeping pair.. after a while Weiwen came n joined us.. and soon... Cherie the monkey came jumping into the room... scaring and waking everyone who was asleep...

her twin was outside... she said he was very irritating... insisted to follow her back... she finally got rid of him.. but he called her.. she said that he was superglue.. told her to pass me the phone.. i told him that she was bathing and he was disturbing us... cos we were sleeping... and i hung up on him.. can't be bothered.. muhahaha.. talked to cherie when she was bathing and washing up.. talked abt collin getting jealous abt her twin and her twin getting jealous of collin and marcus (she saw marcus there)...

den we went out to talk to the rest... finally rested for awhile.. doze in and out of sleep.. dunno wat was wrong with the air-con... so hot.. but serene said that she was cold.. strange.. den in the wee hours of the morning... Serene said that she was hungry.. den after that i was also feeling hungry.. muhaha... soon i think Cherie also.. hahhaa.. very infectious de.. hahaha..

Dalton, Serene, Weiwen and koh said that their stomachs all feel very weird... but they dunno if it's the lunch or the tea which they had in Mt Ophir.. that is very bad news.. if people complain den it's service recovery time..

i think i'm very satified with my weekend.. as 2molo (monday) i'm off.. heehee... will update again.. soon i hope if i'm not too lazy... *grinZ*

class...

last night i went to the orientation for my course.. met kel 1st for dinner.. was not very hungry cos i had a very full n satisfied brunch.. heehee.. it was nice to see marian again.. and xiao fu too...

dunno why the hell we are like the first group loh.. haha.. group 1... somemore sit right in front... there's also another girl by the name of Jerlyn(i think that's how it's spelt)... hope she does not feel too outcast by us 4...

there are other Shatec people in the class as well.. people from all sorts of jobs.. from event companies to selling Mercs (Cycle and Carriage) to selling Cigars (She's a sha senior + also a clubber.. cos she was like wearing clubbing wear last night.. but dunno if she's a DHMer or a DTMer).. muhaha..

okie.. the last guy who made his presentation is like... totally not funnie and boring.. he luffs at his own jokes.. which is like not funnie at all... everyone in the class was like stoning away liao.. muhaha... not many cute guys in class.. class also kinda big compared to ACPE... almost 30 pax.. Ernest was luffing at me.. cos i told him i will take a look at the guys in class... it's only natural to look leh.. haha..

wanted to take either bus or train de last night.. but den hor.. the books so freaking heavy... in the end got to call papa to come n fetch me... =( Shenton way sucks big time at night.. cos there's no freaking cab around~!!!

So far the class seems okie la.. will know more when the 1st lesson starts... =)

gonna check into MM soon.. heehee.. bag super heavy...

A post dedicated to Kenny Ang

As spoken on the phone in the wee hours of this morning... i'm dedicating this entry to Kenny Ang... DHM July 02 C class... and I"M KEEPING MY PROMISE HOR....

Brother.. thanks for suaning me.. and calling me a posh slut... thanks so much hor.. u idiotic moronic asshole... muhahhaa..

u still owe me my testi on FRIENDSTER... cos i did not recieve it~!!!! went to check le... dun have.. u bluff me... u always bluff me de... i call MA TA come catch u............. oh wait... u are a policeman... can u catch yrself?? muhahahhaa...

okok.. i've being childish here and tryin to act cute.. it's like so not workin... muhahhaa...

All i wanna say is... thanks for being there for me.. i really appreciate it~!! Thanks for all the advise which sometimes i dun follow... i'm juz head strong... but i always will remember yr advise at the bottom of my heart~!!

Cos that's when my conscious tells me... THINK B4 U DO ANY THING... wat will the outcome be like.. the pros n cons... the angel and devil... which side i wanna be on...

PS: YOU STILL OWE ME MY TESTI~!!!! *bleahZ*